I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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