There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
