I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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