Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
