just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
