I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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