I seem to have left my pride at pride
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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