I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
