Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
