Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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