Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
