Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
