He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
