whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
