he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She needs sedatives and a leash
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
