Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
