Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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