I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
