Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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