youre lurking in front of me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
