porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
