After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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