I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
