it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
