CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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