I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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