just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
