my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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