apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
