my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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