D3 body, D1 cock
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
