Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
