I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
