Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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