Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
