I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
