Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
