he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Four minutes until I can fart!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
