haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I could make wine with my vomit
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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