So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How's work?
Spinning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
