stop calling my apartment porn island.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
