What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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