I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So. Much. Porn.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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