gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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