dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
