You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
