You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
