um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
