you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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