Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
