shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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