I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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