I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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