I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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