You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
