The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
