How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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