i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
