He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
