I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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