Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
