That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
