I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
