allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
