Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
