he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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