For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
