i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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