whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
