I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
