My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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