are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you traded sex for a burrito?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
